Negotiate like a PM - Part 1
The case to prioritize negotiation as one of the top skills to nurture as a PM
Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash
As a Product Manager, as an ex-Salesperson, as a woman, and as someone who grew up in a patriarchal society (where my conditioning was to obey, not question or push boundaries), I’m very passionate about negotiation. Not just as a topic or skill, but as sport. Learning to negotiate effectively was one of the key moments in my professional ‘coming of age’, so this article (Part 1 of 2) is about why negotiation plays a big role in effective product management. Part 2 will be about the how, where I’ll share my own (mis)adventures in negotiation and some techniques that helped me become an adept negotiator.
Why are we talking about negotiation in the context of product management?
Product Managers come from all walks of life, including Engineering, Design, Consulting, Support, Go-to-market (Marketing or Sales). Depending on background, this crucial skill could be underdeveloped in some Product Managers.
I say crucial based on a close study of the PM career ladder at Twilio, multiple conversations with my manager and mentors, and articles written by other experts about the skill most valued in PMs, weighed most heavily in performance evaluations, and which identifies the most seasoned product leaders I’ve observed in action - people management.
As a PM, even though I have no direct reports whom I supervise, at least 70% of my job is people management. People are messy, people are imperfect, people are original, people are…human. People are the boon and bane of my existence as a PM. And much of my job is influencing, convincing, rallying, cajoling, babysitting, even playing therapist to, the people I most work with.
In this less-than-perfect world of human emotions, vested interests, competition and survival, negotiation is one of the most important tools I can use to create the consensus, alignment or harmony necessary to keep moving forward.
But what about data?
You may be wondering why I haven’t brought up data yet. Data is obviously one of the most powerful tools in the PM belt. But if I think I can embrace data as the answer to every conflict in my PM job, I’ll be kidding myself. In my experience, data is necessary but not sufficient in creating win-win situations that everyone feels great about, while driving towards an outcome that is far into the future.
Every time I’ve tried to oversimplify my own thinking about situations with data, I remember the executive who, despite my regular email flash highlighting the data, repeating the same facts in meetings and iterating on formats to present the same data to her, just doesn’t seem to ‘get it’. Or the tech lead who doesn’t have the product bent of mind to grok the data, and keeps contradicting me in front of the whole team. Or that early career engineer who has read the PRD, and weeks into the project, still can’t explain ‘why are we doing this?’.
Where data has been present but ineffective, I’ve found that bringing a personal touch to an interaction has worked surprising well in driving the outcome I needed to. Where data has been insufficient, not compelling or simply not present, I’ve had to rely on some combination of directional hints + judgement + an experimental approach + stakeholder/management input + commitment to get out of non-data state.
In both these cases, authenticity, communication, finding common ground, and a level of give and take (collectively, negotiation) has served me well.
Areas where you apply negotiation skills as a PM
Signals that you need to develop your negotiation skills
As a PM, I sometimes hear my peers bitch and complain about work situations which they are somehow convinced they have no control over. They seem to be doing everything ‘by the book’ but are not as successful as other PMs who seem to breeze through their job. I’ve been there too.
Some signs that you may be a poor negotiator:
Projects spiral out of your control and others around you are leading them. Things happen despite you, not because of you. In the short term it may feel like a relief, but there is nothing more demotivating for a PM than being relegated to backlog or delivery management, or worse, being expendable.
You’re dealing with perpetually unhappy customers or stakeholders.
You’re always buckling under stakeholder pressure.
You never feel like you’re in the driver's seat.
You live in an ‘escalation culture’ where using your manager or someone else’s manager to influence them is the norm, not the exception.
You’re always overwhelmed by the demands of your job, feel disconnected from everyone around you and feel like a victim of circumstance. ‘Unfair’, ‘not understood’ are phrases that pop up in your mind.
You feel underpaid, undervalued or unfairly judged.
I do not wish to make anyone feel attacked. This section is an honest reflection on work situations that have not been favorable to me, and my notes as an observer of conflict in other situations I am close to.
Signals that you’re negotiating like a seasoned PM
On the other hand, you know you’re a strong negotiator if:
Despite things not going per their asks, stakeholders provide detailed positive feedback about your impact in specific situations of conflict.
You are driving projects, solutions and decisions more often than not.
You’re an expert at de-escalating conflict and have to rely on managers in rare situations.
You’re honest about data (or the lack thereof) and are able to address objections or resistance with a persuasive, logical plan of action that is ultimately unchallenged.
You feel excited, challenged, composed and centered when working with people.
You’re proficient at generating transparency, empathy and trust in customers/stakeholders about the decisions that impact them and manage expectations.
In Part 2, I will share more of the ‘how’ on overcoming challenging situations with negotiation, getting comfortable with negotiating and creating win-win situations for those involved.